As we were going out of the mall, I saw a handsome guy leaning against the wall. He had a certain charm; noticing he was smoking I asked for a cigarette and smiled gladly at him while he lighted my cigarette. This was enough for Abert to go mad and said: “Damnit, have had enough. How could you do this?!!” I replied: “I did what?” He said: “Don’t you play foul, Monica. Let’s go home now!!” I was happy shivering with this kind of funny situation, coz this only would screw up my audacity. As we got home he began to scream at me saying: “I can’t take this anymore, you no longer are going to dress up like that, you hear me?” I played the victim here, pretending I was fucked by the fickle finger of fate, and rushed to my bedroom crying, making believe I was suffering. A little while later Alberto was trying to comfort me and apologized, asking what he could do about this to please me and make me happy. Well, I only needed a caveman, a strong man. He asked: “Oh, darling, how could I. It was all very innocent and low key. But I still felt a touch slutty sitting across from him without panties. He is cute. I flirted back, but after he left I thought of Ben Sheppard’s hands on me. Holding me. Holding me down. I was still thinking of Ben Sheppard during my quarterly review. I nodded at all the right places and used my furrowed brow to feign interest in what my director was telling me. I gave some rehearsed, canned feedback and verbalized an ‘action plan’ to improve on my numbers. What I really wanted to do was grab her and say, ‘I don’t care. I’m thinking about Ben Sheppard.’ I’ve not stopped thinking about him. I think about those patches of silver hair on his temples. I think about his forearms. I think about his handwriting in that fine point blue ink. I think about his truck even. I think about his mouth on me, on my lips, on my neck, on my breasts and on my pussy. I think about him inside me. I think about his hand on my throat. I think about his palm coming.
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